Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
