I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
