I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
