i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
