and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
