I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
