Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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