I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
