Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize