Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
