youre lurking in front of me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
