So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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