Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize