How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
