After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
