I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
