You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
