Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
