Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
