Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
