My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
