I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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