Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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