Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
