Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
