Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize