This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
