Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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