Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
