im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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