I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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