he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
