: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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