I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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