Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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