Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
