Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
