I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
