No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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