I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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