Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
