some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
