I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
