At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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