put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
