Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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