I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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