I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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