and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
