I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
