You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fuck appropriateness.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
