Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
