you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
