Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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