Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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