I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
