Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
