He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
