I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
