The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
