My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
