I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
