You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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