So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
