I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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