This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
