Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
