Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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