How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
