I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have demons in me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
