we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
