Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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