The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
