So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
