Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
