You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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