taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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