The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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