you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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