On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
