is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what day is it and did you see me today?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
