I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
