Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
