When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
