stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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