Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize